Your Future (Disney Prince)


What makes a better model for your own future fairytale husband than a good Disney Prince? Actually…what kind of real life guy could be as great as a Disney Prince? None. But here’s a good list of how husband-worthy your favorite Princes are.

 

Prince Charming (Cinderella

He’s the original Prince, and a straight up idiot. I mean, come on. His decision was based on whether or not your foot is cute. G R O S S.  If you want to climb the social ladder, go for it. He can put a pretty nice sized diamond on your finger, that’s for sure.

Husband Material Rating: 4/10

Robin Hood (Robin Hood)

In modern times, he’d probably be an Occupy Wall Street protester with great political ideologies. He could probably write some books, get Facebook famous or something, you know? He knows his way around a bow and arrow, which is attractive I guess. Plus the dude is a total fox. (Ha)

Husband Material Rating: 6/10

Beast (Beauty and the Beast)

Regardless of problematic plots, he gave a girl a library. A LIBRARY. UM. SCORE. He has a garden, he plays cards, he’s got a castle. What more do you need? Sure, you’d probably have to submit to Stockholm Syndrome, but…a library. Worth it.

Husband Material Rating: 4/10

John Smith (Pocahontas)

Okay so….bigoted, conservative, white dude from your college class. He’s the type to say being gay is a choice and that pilgrims were great people, so you have to repeatedly explain things to him. But he’s hot, so? Worth it?

Husband Material Rating: 3/10

Li Shang, (Mulan)

UM HELLO THERE HOT DUDE FROM CHINA. LET’S GO DEFEAT THE HUNS. He can easily turn nerds into gorgeous grade A warriors. And then fall in love….with someone he thinks is a guy…? He’s a Renaissance man in every sense of the world, and isn’t going to let a silly thing like gender presentation get in the way of wanting to nail the most admirable of his soldiers. Not to mention, when we don’t have to look at Donny Osmond, his singing voice is like warm butter melting over your ears. Mysterious as the dark side of the mooooon, indeed.

Husband Material Rating: 10/10

Tarzan, (Tarzan)

So…Tarzan is probably super gross and smells really bad…but he’s the “rugged wild man”…which is like…..really hot I guess? But even Bear Grylls takes showers. There’s only one thing more appealing than a guy who can surf his way through the jungle, battle wild animals, look at you with those pretty eyes, and manage white boy dreadlocks, and that is a pretty browned eyed street rat.. but we’ll get to that later. He’s the ultimate hippy, but pulls it off. So it’s worth the compromise, right?

Husband Material Rating: 8/10

Hercules, (Hercules)

Anyone who would choose Meg is good enough for me, hands down, but if you needed another reason — talk about marrying into a good family. Who doesn’t want Rip Torn as your all-powerful father, and a flying horse for transportation? Come on. Not to mention, this pretty packaged packed a pair of pretty pecs. You’ve really won at life if your husband has his face plastered all over Athens and is followed by a Greek chorus that zestily outline his exploits. Who doesn’t want that little short one to emphasize all the funny things you do? No one.

Husband Material Rating: 9/10

Prince Naveen, (The Princess and the Frog)

Alright, so you won’t be getting the fortune that normally comes with marrying a prince, but you will be getting a guy that is both super beautiful and willing to give up that beauty to live with you as a frog, if the occasion calls for it. A frog, in a part of America that regularly eats frogs. He’s that into it. And while he is a little high-maintenance, if you’re willing to put in a little work, that penny will shine up bright and new — just in time for you two to go in together on a charming diner and become that cute old couple that runs a restaurant. Who doesn’t want that?

Husband Material Rating: 8/10

Prince Eric, (The Little Mermaid)

Trying my best not to be influenced by his adorable Old English Sheepdog, it must be said that Eric is fairly lame as far as Princes go. Sure, he’s rich and has a sweet castle on the beach and what is hands-down the nicest dining room in Disney history, but what Prince doesn’t have tons of material stuff? What makes Eric such a disappointment is how inactive he is throughout the whole thing. Even a troupe of singing waterfowl wasn’t enough to get him to make out in the boat, he thinks that the evil singing brunette is his girl when the one who saved him was CLEARLY a ginger, and he remains largely indecisive about everything through the story. And let’s be honest, would you really trust a guy who’s ready to marry a girl who’s literally never spoken to him after at least 10 dates? No, you wouldn’t.

Husband Material Rating: 2/10

Aladdin, (Aladdin)

As we all know, the best bread is by far some market bread, freshly stolen by the hot, shirtless town thief and his sassy monkey. Though it’s never fully explained why he was so politically opposed to a shirt, but a firm advocate of the tiny purple vest, we’re not here to judge the boy’s fashion sense. I know he essentially used limitless world power to woo a less personable Kim Kardashian, but I remain a firm believer that if he’d gotten her sooner, he would have done something slightly more productive with his wishes. Also, unlimited carpet rides, ladiesssss.

Husband Material Rating 10/10

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